Maximalism to Me-imalism
Old gnome, new home!
When one decides to downsize, there are tough choices to be made! It seems ages ago now that I sat in my 3 bedroom family home in the middle of nowhere, after a major winter of discontent (involving multiple oil boiler fails, arguments with an insurance company, a Christmas of no heating, all on the back of the pandemic) and suddenly decided I needed to move. I cried as the realisation hit me, that for too long I had been trying to hold together the building, hold back the brambles, hold down a job, hold myself together and it wasn’t working. All I could see ahead was more money pouring out where warm heating oil should flow, ceilings dripping water and a whole lot more tears dripping from my exasperated face. I was tired of driving everywhere just to feel like I was standing still. Tired of feeling shame at not being able to present a functioning, manageable home. At some point it had sort of worked. It was the house in which I had raised my family-there used to be an almost nightly show in the living room, sofa-castles, experimental cookery, a regular cat catastrophe that would fill the room with laughter and rescued birds nurtured in the garden amidst glorious hollyhocks. But as the seeds and the birds and the kids flew, the leftover quiet meant only that the noise of the niggling issues were more audible. I tried to appease the rattling pipes with precious pretties, to hide the blown double glazed windows with whimsical wonders. It worked for a while but that while had long passed. Now it was time to find me some peace!
Fast-forward a few years and here I sit, in my new home just for me-a tiny end-terrace, 2 up 2 down, like the one I’ve always wanted-like the one my Grandparents raised a family of 5 in and this is all for me! There’s a door that closes off the stairs, tiny light switches, a garden at the front and a tiny courtyard at the back. The kitchen is miniscule. I have to squeeze on to the loo. BUT I LOVE IT!!!! I can walk to the market, the post office, the doctors, the vets, the auction centre, the tea rooms, the charity shops, the supermarket, to vote, to the gym, to the park, to the river! It feels amazing to me. Suddenly, life makes sense again! In a funny turn of events, I was buying the house next door initially. I sold my 3 bedroom shell and then my purchase fell through-I was devastated. I had to move out, into a rental, with two cats whio were used to a 100ft sprawling garden and we spent the last 10 months in a holiday apartment right next to the river. As uncomfortable as it was for me, my bank account and my kitties, the view is something I will always treasure and the racket from the open all-hours bar at the back was something I personally loved-it was life! But I was so ready to move on when the estate agents I nagged on an almost daily basis let me know that this end terrace I might like was heading to market. Might like??? I barely got in the front door when I said ‘I’ll buy it!’ And so, here I am.
And I am surrounded by boxes-a three-bedroom house amount of boxes and I’m learning to live small! This is no mean feat when you run a vintage homewares business-the upstairs built-in cupboards that I thought would neatly house all my boxes of stock, only stores half of them and none of the boxes are the right size. But I have a plan-I have an 80s Memphis vision of that office/guest room and I will instigate a filing system to my stock and get all organised and efficient-just you wait and see! The bigger problem is the personal vintage! The previous owner had an absolute talent for accenting with vintage. She had a minimalist light and airy style with the odd Dala horse on a shelf or a random piece or two of signage amongst the plants and clean lines. It looked marvellous. I had hoped that I could become as equally skilled at retaining a vintage feel whilst presenting a clear, light space. Er…no! It’s time to shed some excess. I have been quite cut-throat, for me. My Spanish Collection (kitsch flamenco dancers, a flocked bull, a painted fan, a vintage lithographed tambourine, a picture, some castanets) has gone-adios! The Post Office Collection (my childhood stamp album, several postbox shaped money boxes, a few post office banking books) has been removed (I’m struggling to love the post office after all the shenanigans). I’ve decided I don’t need wooden shoe-lasts, I don’t have room for a large enamel bread bin (or indeed, any size of bread bin really!), even my printers tray is feeling more and more like a dust magnet and may not make the cut!! I’ve lived with volume-I’ve lived for many years with messy boundaries over what’s stock and what’s not, have grown attached, have failed to sell so I’ve kept. It’s time to find a new way.
And so, I say goodbye to many belongings that have felt at times like family, vital pieces that I never believed I would ever pass on because they felt part of me. But I can see, in this smallest of new nests, that I am changed. A ball that had been stuck in the long grass of my un-mown lawn in my previous existence, has now started rolling and there is a sense of freedom and space and comfort that has come with my new move. Amidst all this change came a new part-time job too-one that involves sorting and selling an endless stream of donated goods for a charity (don’t fret, the lines between my business and my work are very boundaried-I don’t buy from that charity for my business. It’s a complication neither of us need!) Perhaps this too has contributed to my willingness to let go. I don’t need it anymore (well, not all of it!). It doesn’t complete me. I can release it to new hearts and feel safe in the knowledge that there will be more. There will be more. There will always be more (unless its a literal one off in which case I’m finding a corner for it!)
It’s been a funny few years (not all of it funny haha!) and I am really excited to be honing and crafting my new homes new look. I’m a bit intrigued in to how sparse I can go and feel comfortable. I need my space to reflect my new inner ease, There was a definite sense of inner calm and peace as soon as I was in-this will be my forever home and there is something quite relaxing about that.
